9 signs of a toxic relationship. According to an old fable, there was once a scorpion that needed to get across a river, so he asked a frog if he would carry him across. The frog was suspicious, worrying that the scorpion would sting him. The scorpion promised he wouldn’t, as if he stung the frog while they were crossing the river, then they would both sink and drown. With this, the frog agreed to help, and the scorpion climbed onto his back. They made it about halfway across the river, when suddenly, the scorpion stung the frog without warning. As they both began to sink, the frog asked the scorpion why he broke his promise, to which the scorpion replied: “It’s in my nature”. #RelationshipConflicts #ToxicRelationship #ToxicPerson
Timestamps:
1. SEDUCTION: 3:45
2. LYING: 4:25
3. DENIAL: 4:57
4. SELECTIVE INATTENTION: 5:22
5. DIVERSION: 5:58
6. GUILT: 6:34
7. SHAMING: 7:02
8. PLAYING THE VICTIM: 7:29
9. FEIGNING IGNORANCE OR CONFUSION: 8:02
Music:
Summary:
1. Seduction
Aggressors can charm their way into your heart with kind words and flattery, preying on a person’s need for approval by telling them all the things they know they want to hear. At one point or another, you’ve probably received a random compliment from a pushy salesman or recruiter on the street, hoping that buttering you up with positive remarks will make you more inclined to stop and listen. The same is true for people who pull others into toxic relationships, attempting to say just the right things in order to convince their unknowing targets to comply.
2. Lying
Manipulative people often try and get what they want by twisting the truth, either by telling outright lies or by being intentionally vague, omitting key information that might otherwise inform a different opinion in the other person. Also known as gaslighting, aggressors may distort the truth in a way that makes their victim feel confused, disoriented, or begin to doubt their own perception of a situation.
3. Denial
Tying in with their tendency to lie, don’t expect an aggressor to admit to their wrongdoing anytime soon. When cornered, a would-be aggressor will deny, deny, deny. “How dare you accuse me of taking advantage of your help! I would never do such a thing! I thought we were friends!”
4. Selective Inattention
Have you ever sent an important, time-sensitive email to a friend, classmate or coworker, only to get no response? When you confronted them, they simply responded with a shrug, telling you in plain terms that they “never received it”. While it could be that their Internet was down that day, it is also likely a sign of selective inattention, a manipulative tactic in which a person deliberately brushes you off by actively ignoring your requests and messages.
5. Diversion
If lying and denial aren’t enough to throw you off the trail, expect a covert aggressor to attempt to cover his tracks by quickly changing the subject in order to distract you. Manipulative people often try to control the flow of a conversation by avoiding things they don’t want to answer or talk about, quickly switching tracks in order to throw the other speaker off-course. It might be something to keep an ear out for the next time you’re watching an important debate…
6. Guilt
In addition to shifting the topic of conversation, covert aggressors also love to shift the blame. When manipulating others, people who form toxic relationships often deflect or project their own flaws or failings onto the other person, using their conscience and feelings of guilt in order to control their thoughts and actions.
7. Shaming
In addition to guilt, manipulators and aggressors will often attempt to wear you down through sarcasm, criticism and other belittling tactics in order to make you feel shameful or inadequate. With enough whittling down through these verbal insults, the aggressors hope that you will become passive enough in order to give in to their controlling demands.
8. Playing the Victim
“Why are you getting mad at me for this? If you weren’t paying attention, it’s clearly me who’s the one suffering the most right now!” aggressors love to exaggerate their own problems in order to exploit others for sympathy points. After all, if you feel sorry for someone, that makes you more likely to want to help them out, right? Try not to get sucked in by anyone who immediately plays the “woe is me” card whenever they ask you for help.
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